Why Not?
A look into the revolutionary online-dating scene
Cam Parkes
In the digital era we currently inhabit, much has changed due to the internet. One of the foremost leaders in this change is the social activity of dating. Online dating has become a social revolution in the 21st century. According to our textbook, over 40 million Americans participate in online dating. A popular eHarmony television commercial pushes the fact that one out of five relationships begins online. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, theorizes that online dating is “as important as the automobile was in the 1920s and birth control in the 1960s” (Mulrine, 133). So here’s the question: will online dating become the new standard in the dating world? There are arguments for and against this notion, which I will discuss. For the record, I’m going to focus on dating web sites, as opposed to online games through which people can flirt, chat, etc.
A couple of months ago, a friend and I joined the online dating site Plenty of Fish (www.plentyoffish.com) as somewhat of a joke, mainly to see what the hype was about. While my friend has since deleted her account, I kept mine with the attitude “Why Not?” Although I don’t frequent it often, I have noticed a few things that are negative, as well as positive. I decided that, if I was going to give it a go, I might as well do it right. I filled in my ‘About Me’ quite extensively, and posted recent photos. According to the site, this was the key to attracting more messages.
When filling out your profile you’re asked to put your height, race, age, and body type. This helps when you’re searching for a specific type of person I guess. However, (and this is a negative) these details can be a little bit off. The most prevalently inaccurate results were age and body type. Age, obviously, is easy to lie about, especially for girls. From the age of 15 to 25ish, many women can look just that—anywhere from 15-25. Lying about body type is almost impossible in person, but on the internet it can be accomplished relatively easily.
The options given for body type are: thin, athletic, average, a few extra pounds, big and tall, or prefer not to say. Typically the only ones that have a uniform appearance are the ones on opposite ends of the scale—thin, and overweight. It’s pretty clear rather quickly whether these people are lying. The discrepancy comes with the proclamation of average body type. To be fair, I can only talk about what women do, as I do not view other men’s profiles. I find women are very good at taking strategic photos that make them look different than they actually are. This can be done by certain angles, or only including certain parts of the body in the photo.
Honestly, I fail to understand why people would lie online—although they certainly do. What do they expect to happen if they meet people in real life? That they’ll just shrug off the fact that their date is six inches shorter and 75 pounds heavier than they had stated? I don’t think so. And neither does Stephenie Murphy, a case sample from the textbook. She says that “the picture doesn’t have to be from last week, but when you meet up and don’t even recognize [the person]...” (Mulrine 134). So that’s one example of how online dating can be negative—probably the most prevalent one. Sites such as eHarmony have developed questionnaires and tests to determine whether people are lying, and if they are, they ask them to leave the site. According to a wise professor, about 16 percent of applicants to eHarmony have been asked to leave (Martin 2011).
Another negative aspect of online dating is unwanted attention. Cyberstalkers are always a possibility, as well as people you’ve lost interest in. In class we determined that it was easier to disengage from an online relationship than one face to face, but I’d like to argue that. I think it would be just as hard to disengage from an online relationship. When you’re getting to know someone online, inevitably the relationship progresses beyond the site. For example, I few women I started chatting with asked to be Facebook friends, or to text on our phones. Once you accept that, it becomes harder to get out of the relationship. To completely get rid of them you could delete them as a friend, block their number, etc. However, that’s a lot of effort. Also, once your information has been made available online, it’s there for good. I admit the one thing that would make online relationships easier to get out of would be if there’s no chance of running into the person, i.e. they live far away, but you still have to avoid them online, whether that be MSN, Facebook, or the dating website you found them on.
There’s an opinion offered by the Mulrine, however, that says that “online dating is... more and more resembling old-fashioned dating” (Mulrine 137). Is this true? And if so, what’s to stop online dating from making traditional dating a thing of the past? Let’s examine.
In some ways, online dating is like traditional dating, but with a quicker search process. Whereas before one would have to wait to run into a dateable person—at a bar, college, church, etc.—an online dater can search through a huge database of people, and specify their preferences. People are then matched, and can commence communication. Sure, you may miss out on the movie-like moment that may have happened, but in this age of immediacy we are in, efficiency seems to trump romance. Seriously though, looking at it, why wouldn’t you use an online dating site? It’s not as if the dating takes place on the site—a lot of sites just provide an efficient way to meet people, then it’s up to the user to meet them in “real life”.
For that reason, I don’t think online dating will replace traditional dating. In fact, I think it acts as an extension of, or an upgrade to, traditional dating. You’ll still get the excitement of meeting someone for the first time in a café etc., you’ll just have more confidence that they are into the same stuff as you, you’ll like how they look (hopefully), etc.
In the future it will probably be looked upon with disbelief that people waited to meet their special someone at a bar etc. That’s not to say that there won’t be exceptions—I’m sure there will always be those couples that meet in a Hollywood moment where time stands still and a romantic song permeates through the air.
Sources
Martin, Jenn. Lecture, March 23rd 2011.
Mulrine, Anna. "Love.com." Living in the Information Age: a New Media Reader. By E. Page Bucy. Southbank, Vic., Australia: Wadsworth, Thomson Learning, 2005. 133-38. Print.
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